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Home: How to rebuild your life, during divorce, become friendsTo be friends you should still care about what the other feels. You should talk to them privately and civilized. If you want out of a marriage and remain friends, you should try to keep affairs and such out of the air. If they don't know that you have been seeing someone else, don't tell them. Just tell them that you aren't feeling good about the marriage and want to try it apart. You will also want to keep the affair to a minimum during the divorce. As soon as you place another person in the mixing you will have someone feeling defensive, and that's not your goal of this. You should also participate in family therapy so that the kids don't feel that it's their fault. You can find security in therapy and you will notice that most people will be able to feel better because they have resolved some of the issues. They have gotten answers for some of their issues. When it comes to being friends, it's hard to divide everything up and still claim friendship. Divorce is territorial and the worst of everyone will become evident. This is when you will want to set a day or two aside to talk to your spouse calmly about what goes and what stays. If you talk without the attorneys then you can keep things off the defensively and be more productive. You can go through out the house and talk about all the things that you are going to miss and how you feel. This way they know that this isn't so easy for you either. Most of the time, you can resolve all the issues of a divorce by just talking off the record. You can save money on the lawyers as well as the hurt that is involved. You may end up having to give up some control over certain matters so that the compromise will allow the divorce to stay civilized. When you talk, you should never raise your voice. Your tone should be low and you should try to understand their side so that you are able to have a clean sweep. You should explain to your mate that this is not an act or plea to come back. You have cared about them for a long time and still do and that is why you would like to spare any of the hardships. Some people will try to be nice to come back, but if you are nice to your spouse in general, things will be more pleasant for everyone and the divorce will go quickly. You should compromise, but you shouldn't give more than you are willing.
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